MORE CATCHING UP - BOOK TOUR TO NYC

I was in New York March 27 - April 3, 09.

Here is a photo from the reading at Barnes and Noble on 82nd and Broadway March 30:

After the reading with some of my Shock of the Funny cohorts-

Leanne, Jim, and Deb:

At Gotham Comedy Club with:

Bob Montgomery, Jason Dudey, and David Pavloski

CATCHING UP - OUTLAUGH 09/LAKE TAHOE

Been so busy lately that it's taken awhile to catch up.

Outlaugh 2009 was held in 3 cities simultaneously. One of those cities was Lake Tahoe.

Here are some photos:

Joel and I on the the lake cruise boat March 6.

Roy Cruz, Sandra Valls, Scott Silverman and me before

the second evening's show.

Signing books.

Snow on the Lake.

There are more photos I'll add later from Tahoe and the 

other two Outlaugh 09 Cities.

For Those Who Take Offense at Gays Comparing Themselves To Blacks - A Book Recommendation

Read a book you probably haven't heard of with the un-sexy title, "The Marrow of Tradition," by Charles W. Chesnutt - written in 1902.

It's actually a very entertaining page-turner set in turn-of-the-century North Carolina about the events leading up to a historic race riot that occurred in 1898.  It's character-driven, highly involving, and several times the parallels to what gays are facing today are impossible to ignore.

The attitude of the reconstructionist white townspeople toward the newly freed black population is truly the same as that of the hetero majority in 2009 toward gays today as we fight for our equality. 

Chesnutt, himself, was only 1/16th black and could pass as white, but he chose to identify with his black ancestor and the plight of the black community as it began to fight for the dignity the majority takes for granted.

One of the arguments against gays today is that we can "pass" if we choose to, and therefore have all the rights as anyone else. That we have never suffered like the black race. That comparing our current fight for justice is an insult to the black civil rights cause. It is repugnant because we are so abhorrent and morally bereft.

Read the book and see those arguments reflected in the voices of the appalling, yet real, white reconstructionist southerners against their black neighbors.  

Blacks, at the time, could be murdered for no reason at all, and with no consequences to the white murderers.   Today, and throughout history, the same has been true for gays in much of the world.

Beyond the great parallels to our time, the book is just a thrilling read with one of the best final chapters I have read (next to Moby Dick). Maybe a bit melodramatic, but operatic and believable.

Chesnutt gave up fiction writing because he felt he had not achieved the recognition he deserved. Yet, here I am a century later finding his book a revelation.

Go figure!  In this day of "how many hits" and "how many views" and what's hot and what's not every day changing, his experience and my reading his work merits some note.

Maybe my blog goes unnoticed and I don't spend every waking moment trying to promote it, but that doesn't diminish the fact I sit down to write something in it.

Chesnutt sought recognition, according to the introduction. He did everything he could to promote his work. His sales were ultimately weak, and after 3 books, he gave up fiction.

That was a mistake and a good lesson.  Who knows where good writing can end up and what "eyes not yet born" may read it.

:-)

Change and Chickens

Headlines today (Nov. 5, 2008) read: "Obama! Change has come to America!" 

Yet, I'll always remember today as the day California voted NOT to recognize my already legal marriage and voted to add discrimination to its constitution.

The day that California voted to give farm chickens (prop. 2) extended rights to move freely outside of cages, but voted to take away the California Constitutional right of Gay and Lesbian Americans (prop. 8) to legally marry.

Friends and family tell me Joel and I will always be married in their eyes. I thank them for their attempt at consolation, and I am grateful for the growing percentage of Americans who see what Gay rights are about and who support our fight for equality. 

But, today I am ashamed of my home state, and of my country.

Dear Mr. Obama: I hope your message of inspiration is truly inclusive of queer people. I want to share in the optimism, but at the moment, I am disgusted and do not.

This Bizarre Time

I try to stay calm and focused during all of this "election/economy meltdown/hate the gays in California/too much media/normal life worries" hoopla.

Our wedding on October 3, 2008 was indeed a great day for both of us. From beginning to end. We had a small private ceremony performed by our dear friend George Barrett. My mom was able to attend despite her frail health.

Later, Joel and I spent the evening in downtown Los Angeles, at the symphony at the Disney Concert Hall, and after a great Japanese dinner.

We got our wedding certificate in the mail yesterday.

THANK YOU to all of the friends and colleagues who have sent us their congratulations and good words. We were quite surprised by the large amount of support we received from those who are close to us, and from those we work with. Quite a few people have donated money and time to the No On Prop 8 campaign in solidarity with Joel and I. There is reason for hope.

In 10 days, California will vote to decide if we get to stay married. We've raised money for the campaign. We've sent out the word to everyone we know to vote against the appalling Proposition 8.

The majority of financial support in favor of Prop. 8 (against us) comes from The Mormon Church and The Catholic Church. Funny how they don't fund referendums to criminalize divorce - a real threat to "family" and children, or to bring back slavery or for husbands to "own" women as property (other "literal" words of God from Leviticus).

There was a great letter to the editor in the L.A. Times recently from a man who suggested there should be a referendum on a future California ballot for Californians to vote whether Christians should be allowed to marry.

You can't say there isn't any passion these days. Go to www.noonprop8.org, and donate time or money or both as soon as you can!

Dark Ages Continue

I tuned in to the Palin-Biden "debate." When they reached the part about gay marriage and repeated over and over how they didn't support it whatsoever, nor did their running mates, over and over repeated it, and then the moderator commented, "At least that's something you both agree on," and the two VP candidates both smugly nodded and grinned at each other...

I switched off the set. I'm not interested in watching any more of their debate.

I'm getting married tomorrow morning, and I've been enjoying the preparation the last couple of days. It's pathetic to listen to that shit. You think the Democrats are evolving, and it's still "back of the bus" "second class" "cotton field" bullshit. I would love it if the candidates and their spouses were told that their marriages weren't worthy of the word. That's what they deserve and then maybe they might get it.

They can take their "market research" and "actual religious viewpoint" bigotry and shove it up their heterosexual asses. Fuck 'em. I'm glad the next generation gets it.

Tomorrow is a very cool day for me. And it's just as meaningful and important for me as anyone else on this sorry world. Probably more so.

I'm Getting Married

On October 3, after 23 years together, I am marrying Joel Freedman. It is the first marriage for each of us. I am 49 and Joel is 55.

On November 4, it is possible that California Proposition 8 might nullify our marriage.

Sick, huh? Especially when you read the elegant ruling May 15, 08 on the matter by the California Supreme Court.

I mean, it’s weird for both Joel and I to be getting married in the first place. We were raised and conditioned like most gay kids and gay adults to accept that marriage did not apply to us. We weren’t real men. There was something wrong with us that people were trying their best to tolerate, and others were not and decided to label us simply “sick” and “aberrations.”

The previous generation is dying out and with them, their ignorant views of gays and lesbians. However, their influence and conditioning on the current generation, and on Joel and I as well, still lingers in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Ie. the “civil union” bullshit being peddled by so-called straight progressives and political candidates which is really just another form of “back of the bus” lip service.

On the one hand, marriage for Joel and I feels right. We are grown men and we love each other and have lived together and cared for each other for 23 years. We are no less men than our straight friends. We are just as strong, just as brave, and just as smart (okay, a significant amount more so, who am I kidding :-) )We deserve everything other American adults deserve.

On the other hand, marriage has that “heterosexual feel” to it. Contrary to what conservatives claim about marriage being solely for procreation, marriage originally was created for a man’s “ownership” of a woman and her property.

Yes, raising children was part of the marriage ideal, but not required for straights and they were not deprived of their marriage rights if they didn’t produce children.

The romantic notion of marriage is a relatively recent development from the nineteenth century.

I wish gays and lesbians could create our own “bonding ceremony” that was recognized as equal by state and federal U.S. law. An original ritual that would somehow mean more than just acquiring what the straights have, and many times buying into the traditions the straights follow. An original tradition that the straights would try to usurp from us like they do our music and our fashions.

Maybe in time, we will develop something like that.

However, I understand that we need our equal rights first. Marriage is a contract. It is also a cultural stamp of approval of a relationship. And we are fighting for the equality of our relationship and of ourselves as men.

Joel and I deserve that stamp. Our relationship is just as dynamic and dignified as Barack and Michelle’s or any one else’s. If anything, ours is more resilient and our marriage would help America take a much needed step (one of many much needed these days) to evolve.

I’m proud to marry Joel in October!